You know what sucks? Not getting the same joy out of things that used to amuse you.
Twenty-year-old me would be over the moon with everything I have right now. So why does everything feel so stale and meaningless? I feel like 2024 was the year I rediscovered myself, but also the year I lost the old me.
It’s true that I got to experience a new life as an everyday, normal person for a whole year. Daily commutes, the struggles of being a working-class citizen, the normal daily grind that a lot of people can only dream about.
I admit, I enjoyed it to some degree. Unfortunately, life handed me a few reasons not to enjoy things to the fullest. At least, that’s how it felt. Everything I did seemed like it was never enough. I’ve got the life of a working-class citizen, minus the fun part.
What kind of fun am I expecting, though? Honestly, I don’t even know anymore. It wasn’t the job. Or the people. Or everything around it. The thing that bothers me the most is the constant struggle to pay the bills. It doesn’t even feel like I’m living paycheck to paycheck—it’s worse than that.
I don’t have a savings account. I don’t have any regular activities. Furthermore, I don’t even have a social life. I’ve been too exhausted by everything going on, and it just keeps getting worse.
Fast-forward to 2025, and I started this year differently. I got a full-blown rash on my body. I’ve got double the bills to pay in February, yet I don’t even have gas money in my pocket.
The rash is so annoying that it wakes me up three times each night. I can’t afford to go to a doctor, so I’m just dealing with it by not sleeping at night. It helps a bit, but it’s obviously messed up my sleep schedule.
I feel bad because I can’t concentrate on my job. I know I could’ve done better, maybe even more. No, it’s not specifically the rash. I can handle that. But there are so many other things going on around me that give me this unscratchable itch—worse than the actual rash itself.
I’ve tried to restore my mental health, but it feels like every joy has been sucked out of my life lately. Every activity feels stale, every meal tastes bland, every interaction feels meaningless. Everything I’ve done feels wrong, and everything I might do in the future feels like it’ll never be enough.
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