I think I’ve been tired my whole life, and not a single person I’ve ever known truly gets it. Here’s another rant for your little entertainment.
I’ve reached a point in my life where I’ve put myself in a situation where people depend on me a little too much. I tried to be the unsung hero, but I just ended up breaking my neck over and over again. I’m not trying to be a knight in shining armor. I’m just trying to do good things for good people.
At this point, I’m not sure how long I can keep going. I’ve been stripped of the things I used to enjoy, more than once. I’ve had mental breakdowns, and I even opened up to my boss about some of them. He encouraged me, and he believed in me. Honestly, at the time, I was convinced I was about to get fired every single day. Maybe that wouldn’t have been so bad.
I’m starting to doubt everything. I’m starting to question whether anything I’ve ever done has actually mattered. I’m exhausted. I can’t escape this situation. I can’t sleep it off. I can’t brush it aside. Whatever I do somehow ends up being the “wrong” thing to do, according to practically everyone.
I want to quit. I really do. I want to quit this life. I don’t think my existence matters as much as I once believed it did. My dreams are far more enjoyable than my actual day-to-day life.
I’m on edge every single day, and I don’t think the people who say they care actually do. And no, I don’t mean they “care in their own way.” I mean they just don’t. They don’t want me to act in ways that stop benefiting them. They need me to be their peace, but they’ve forgotten to care about how much of a mess I am.
So yeah, I guess I’m leaving.
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