I’m tired, really tired. It’s 01.37 AM at the moment. I just finish something unimportant. There are things that i should’ve done but i didn’t do it, even if it’s related to other people. But what can i do, i’m just too lazy to do it. Sometimes, i feel like i don’t really concern about what am i supposed to do. All this time, i’ve done so much things that related with other people instead of doing things for my own. I didn’t really do things that i actually like.
But honestly, even the fun things that i like, it’s not even fun anymore for me. It’s ironic, isn’t it? That’s the reality. All that’s left now is just laziness, there’s no spirit for me to reach anything. Even if suddenly i feel like i wanna do or make something, most of the time that feeling will gone like 5 minute afterwards then i’ll just forget it.
I’m giving up, but at the same time i don’t really wanna giving up. I wanna run, somewhere, starting a new life. A new beginning. Without any pressure from anyone, free to do what i love to do and make a living with that.
I just want… ah, forget it. I’m not even sure with what i wanted now. I just want to rest, for a long time. Or maybe, go to china, change my name, change my appearance, learn something new. Haha, it’s stupid. I don’t have money, i don’t have time, i have no idea. I just wanna run away, like i always did.