Sometime i wonder why don’t i post something like daily activities and stuffs then i realized that i don’t have any. I woke up, open my laptop, and that’s it. That’s what i basically do all day. I do want to do something else but i can’t at the moment. There’s too much shi* going on right now. And i know that you can see that all my life is just a rubbish and sadness all the time based on what i share here.
It wasn’t always like this. This is almost become something repetitive and it’s been going on since the last 3 years. Maybe there’s something wrong with me, or maybe it’s just the world that become so cruel. Or is it always been like this? Whenever i tried to do something more, there’s always a barrier that keep me away from any good intention that i’m trying to do.
The cruel world. It’s a basic mindset for most of the people whenever they describe how the world’s work. Well, i couldn’t agree more. Lately i’ve been hit by some shi*storm that again, trying to sink me down. I do realize that i’m not flawless, i’m not perfect or whatsoever. I’m still trying, i’m still figuring out what should i do to get the best of me. Sometime i really feel grateful of whatever surround me and for whatever i have in this life. But in the same time, there’s some emptyness that i feel and it’s really bothering me.
Since i was a kid, i’m the kind of person who somehow think differently than other. But unlike any other, i’m too lazy and i’m too afraid to be brave enough. I’m often rely myself with other people whenever i’m in trouble. My mind is too crazy and now i’m just too tired of being this ridiculous person that i’ve become. I do need support from other, any kind of it. But the bad side of me is that most of the time i’ve never really felt enough. I’m always need something more.
Well, it’s depend on how you look at me. What i mean by saying something more is more like i didn’t always get what i need (or what i feel i need). Like an artist without a paint, a singer without a mic. But when the times come for me to have the things that i needed, it’s too late. It’s been like that since forever. “Oh, finally i can do this. But hey, no one’s care anymore”.
Time is ticking, and i’m still sinking.
Featured image by Joshua Earle on Unsplash
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