I’m still thinking hard about my plan. Should I keep shackled in a rectangular white space while my mind rages wild, or should I break the window and break away? Actually, it’s not that bad when it’s in a white box room and runs a boring routine. Well though, I do not like it. I did not really enjoy the process. Yes, it could have been if I forced myself. But still I’ll feel bored quickly.
Actually, who determines this life? Is it true that humans have a choice in life? Is it true that man must live his life according to desire, or actually there has been a determined path and without us realize we just follow that path? Why is there a dream? Why is there a desire? Why is there a need? All these kinds of thoughts haunt me for no particular reason.
To be honest, right now I’m starting to see the little spot of light in the darkness that I haven’t seen for a while. I’m starting to do the things I used to like. I started to have dreams and desires. And this time, I want to make it happen and maybe make it a way for a living. Really, I really hope not to get a distraction or temptation that can make this mental collapse instantly. I want people who want or are dealing with me to be silent for a moment, and I beg everyone for it.
I want to finish my affairs gradually, I can not be hit repeatedly by a series of problems that I admit came from myself. I want to be free. Just like what I said to one of my friends,
My body can be restrained, but not with my soul